I Need a Job. Here's a Cover Letter.

Cover Letter

To whom it may concern,

I am an individual with a background in teaching, human resources, and retail management seeking employment in a field that will provide me with new challenges, as well as opportunities to engage my creative abilities.

There are a few things that you should know about me. I did not move to Nashville to pursue my musical dreams. This benefits you as a prospective employer in several ways. I will never ask you or any of my fellow employees to come see my terrible band play. I will never ask you for time off to go on a “summer tour”. I will never make flyers for an artist showcase on a company copy machine, nor will I leave said flyers on company bulletin boards or strewn about company break room tables.

I have an exhaustive knowledge of film and television. Some have called it nauseating.

I can recite the alphabet backwards.

I can type 60 words per minute. 65 if the wind is at my back.

SIGNIFICANT ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

I once won a spelling bee. I think that that was 4th grade.

National Honors Society-- inducted spring 1997

SAT scores-- 720 math, 720 verbal

Centennial Scholar-- Lee University

Kappa Lambda Iota-- History Club, treasurer-- Fall 2003

Semester in Cambridge Study program-- selected for Spring 2003

Phi Alpha Theta-- National History Honors Society, inducted Fall 2003

Completed Masters Thesis titled “Driving a Pinto with a Mustang in the Garage: Exploring Issues of Underachievement.”-- Summer 2005

INSIGNIFICANT ACCOMPLISHMENTS

First customer ever at the Taco Bell on Keith St. in Cleveland, TN (after they tore it down and rebuilt it).

Achieved life goal at the tender age of 23, when I stayed alive long enough to see the Boston Red Sox win a World Series.

Assistant Editor/Columnist, Target Tyrone Times, co-authoring the piece “Preparation H: The ‘H’ is for Hurricane”.

Holder of 5 of 6 first place spots on the trivia machine on the bar at Beef O’Brady’s, Cleveland, TN. I just couldn’t crack the food and wine category.

Please take a look at my attached resume and feel free to read some of my writing samples at http://tylereperron.blogspot.com/

Wind Energy

WIND ENERGY

Today I was thinking about (why not?) wind energy. I think we’ve probably all been thinking about alternative energy lately, even if we are the kinds of people who don’t own a pair of sandals and wouldn’t eat anything made by Kashi unless ordered to do so by a deeply concerned physician. We are thinking about alternative energy because there is currently an oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico that is roughly the size of Kansas. I personally am not comfortable with anything being roughly the size of Kansas, but let’s leave my proposed legislation for the annexation of eastern Kansas by Missouri out of the discussion for a moment.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about wind energy. If we set aside foreign policy and economic difficulties tangled up in our dependance on foreign oil, the chief concern with fossil fuel usage is environmental impact. Ok. So we want a cleaner alternative that will minimize the effect that we as humans have on an environment that we depend upon for survival. We don’t want to contaminate the air or water. So...wind turbines. We have wind. We use that wind to spin the turbines and generate electricity without burning anything. THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!

Wait...

My understanding of physics is a bit rudimentary (I have seen Sir Isaac Newton’s dormitory room at Cambridge. Surprisingly messy), but if the wind is spinning the turbines, the wind is losing that energy (kinetic energy that is. I understand that the turbines are not skimming electrons out of the air). So has anyone studied what a large scale wind energy program designed to power a significant area (say roughly the size of New West Missouri) might do to weather patterns? If we attempted a wind energy program on a national scale, could we potentially screw with the weather? Could we cause widespread flooding, hurricanes, tornados? What about ocean breezes that cool and warm our land masses?

Had you even thought about it?

Well now that you have, I’d like you to sign this petition for the reduction of our wind footprint, beginning with the immediate removal of all wind-chimes located on or around Beech Ave, Nashville, TN.

Thank you for your time. Now I’m going back to sleep.