I have no idea what to write about. Most of the topics coming to mind are things that I want to complain about. I don’t really feel like complaining though. I don’t feel like whining about the playlist where I work. I don’t want to complain about the fact that it’s a 40 minute musical loop that only changes once a month. I don’t wish to bemoan the fact that this means that in a given month I have to hear each song on the playlist almost 2,500 times. The last time that I heard the same song that many times in one month was when Sara Renee discovered Garth Brooks’s “Friends in Low Places”.
I’ve actually come to the point that I dread the playlist including a song that I like, because hearing any song that many times is enough to make you want to insert a pencil very deep into your ear canal. This month the song that I dread learning to hate is Neil Young’s “Old Man”.
Neil’s got a fighting chance though. There’s plenty of shit to draw my ire this month. For instance, I’m not sure that I can hear the Byrds sing “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man” over 2,000 times in a month without burning the building down.
But I may be driven to something far more dramatic than arson by this month’s inclusion of three different John Mayer songs. THREE! THREE!!! I am not exaggerating when I say that I’m actually trembling with rage at this moment. It took me a while to get myself worked up to that point, but I started this paragraph and got so angry that I had to leave the room and get a piece of nicotine gum.
Someone gets paid 15 times what I get paid, and all they have to do is generate a twelve song playlist every month. That person put three songs by the same artist on a mixed cd. Eleven year old girls do that. My sanity is in the hands of this person, and this person obviously does... not... give... a... crap.
Lots of people love John Mayer. I’m fine with that. What people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is their business. I just don’t want it flaunted in my face. I don’t want to have to explain it to my kids (if I ever have them. Although, I can’t say that I feel comfortable bringing innocent children into a world populated by John Mayer fans).
Standard disclaimer: John Mayer is a talented musician and a funny guy, blah, blah, blah, blah. He’s a very talented guy who creates things that don’t interest me. Maybe he wouldn’t have vocal chord nodules if he didn’t spend all of his time running through the halls of his high school screaming at the top of his lungs. It’s only a matter of time before running on those hard floors destroys his knees. That’s one of the THREE songs on the playlist, by the way.
Also making an appearance on the playlist is “Daughters.” On the surface, this is a sweet song, but only on the surface. What’s your motivation to write this song, Johnny? I think I know. It’s just one more step toward luring every girl with daddy issues into your bed, which I assume is some kind of fancy, sleep number deal with red satin sheets and bedposts that have to be replaced every other month due to heavy notching.
I think you’re gonna make it, Neil. I think you’re gonna make it.
